


and moth-like stars were flickering out

by rathalos



Series: because a fire was in my head [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Hyuuga Hinata, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, Gen, Hinata Receives the Caged Bird Seal, Not Beta Read, actually really self-indulgent if i'm being honest, and you know what? that won't stop her, kind of self-indulgent, oh my god there are gonna be so many OCs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23663392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rathalos/pseuds/rathalos
Summary: Kurenai gives Hinata a smile so gentle it fills her with dread.“Your father told me what happened yesterday,” she says. Hinata’s stomach drops into her feet.(In which Hinata receives the Caged Bird seal and Hanabi is instated as the Hyuuga heir. Hinata's a member of the Branch House now, and it's scary and exhausting, and she wants nothing more than to hide away someplace quiet and hopefully never come back out again—but life doesn't work like that. Hinata will overcome this.)
Relationships: Aburame Shino & Hyuuga Hinata & Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Hanabi & Hyuuga Hinata, Hyuuga Hinata & Hyuuga Neji, Hyuuga Hinata & Original Female Character(s), Hyuuga Hinata & Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Hinata & Yuuhi Kurenai
Series: because a fire was in my head [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1179536
Comments: 26
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok not to write an essay in the author's notes but *writes an essay in the author's notes*
> 
> this is a direct sequel to my one-shot "when white moths were on the wing" please read that first! and to the one anonymous account, K, who commented on that: you're the only reason this fic is still going. thank you, even though it's been nearly a year and a half.
> 
> this is going to probably start out pretty slow and meander in whatever vague direction i want it to, following whatever random plot bunnies that pop up in my head. don't expect this to be coherent or have any kind of overarching structure because i gave up on that a long time ago.
> 
> also updates will be sporadic. i'm horrible at anything even remotely resembling consistency. i blame my adhd, but it might just be that i'm lazy.
> 
> the title is from my favorite poem, [The Song of Wandering Aengus](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/55687/the-song-of-wandering-aengus) by W.B. Yeats. so is the title of the series!
> 
> warnings for this fic: a lot of explicitly/indirectly described anxiety, because that's just who hinata is at this point. references of parental/familial abuse, because of what the hyuuga did and do to neji and hinata. canon-typical violence. those will be recurring themes in the fic. i'll put new warnings for individual chapters if there's anything in there that needs one. please let me know if there's anything i should add!

Hinata wakes up at six o’clock in the morning.

Kou always woke her as the sun crested the horizon, shaking her gently and telling her to go wash her face. It had been deathly-quiet inside that house. She’d wash her face, feet pitter-pattering across the cold wooden floors, change into her loose Hyuuga robes—which, somewhere along the way, had turned into a pair of standard-issue robes and a puffy jacket—and make her way to the dining room. Her father had never been there and Neji more often than not would be just finishing his breakfast and making his way out of the room, brushing past her with frosty eyes and a determined grimace set in his face. Hanabi would meet her at the table and the two of them would eat in silence.

Her new room is strange and smaller than what she’s used to, and her eyes ache from sobbing into Haruka’s shoulder from the afternoon into the early evening. The floor is just as cold as she’s used to and she takes a moment to close her eyes before setting all her weight on her feet. Instead of the traditional screens she’s used to, four white-painted walls box her in. It is strange. It is small. Already it feels like a home.

The first thing she does, after going through a breathing exercise to clear her mind, is go downstairs and turn on the rice cooker, carefully measuring three cups of rice, filling the water up to just the right amount. Yesterday Haruka had showed her around the kitchen, the entire house, and told her through actions and affectionate glances, _what’s mine is yours._

Hinata doesn’t deserve someone like that. Someone so kind, so willing to just accept her presence like Hinata had been Haruka’s all along, like she hadn’t just been a member of the same House that had stuck all the Branch members with this seal anyway.

Whether she deserves it, though, is out of the question now—this is her reality, and she at least owes it to Haruka to make a little food.

On tiptoes, she makes her way back down the hall, up the stairs, pausing for a second to look at the sky outside the window, stained purple and gold. A new day. Kou used to tell Hinata each new day was a chance to prove herself. To reforge herself into someone worthy of inheriting the title of Hyuuga clan head. Every day she is born anew and every day she can be the best version of herself.

Today Hinata is wrung-out and exhausted. The pain of having the Caged Bird seal branded onto her forehead had come and gone quickly—last night in bed her fingers had twitched and she’d had to claw at her bedsheets, gasping for air as the last of the pain made its course through her and out into the stifling air of her room-not-room—and she’s dealing with what’s left. Every time she blinks she wants nothing more than to fall asleep. Opening her eyes seems too great a responsibility, to tall a hurdle for her to jump over. She does it anyway. Barely.

If anyone’s expecting her best today, they’ll be sorely disappointed.

Hinata quietly collects her forehead protector and clothing and heads downstairs again, to the bathroom. She takes a shower while the rice is in the cooker. She tries to wash the lethargy out of herself, tries to become the blank slate Kou had reassured her time and time again she was, but she just can’t do it.

When she steps out of the bathroom, creeps slowly back into her room, she’s still the same Hinata. The mark on her forehead is proof she can’t remake herself. No matter how many times she wakes up, no matter how many times she tries, she’ll never be able to do it.

Hinata stands in front of the mirror, picks up her forehead protector, and stares at it for a few seconds before tying it on. It takes a bit of fuss to layer her hair over it correctly, but in the end she manages.

She can’t stop the shame that crawls up her throat when she looks at herself again. Her bangs would have covered her forehead anyways—but what about a stray wind? What about when she turns her head a little too sharply and her hair goes all to the side and someone sees, someone sees someone _sees_ —there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Hinata still can’t help but hide it. She’d woken up in a cold sweat this morning and now she’s frozen in front of the mirror, no longer the heir to a prestigious clan but a disgraced member of the Branch House.

Would it be pathetic if she still wants to prove herself? If she wants to become strong so they’ll take her back, so they’ll erase this cursed seal from her forehead and hold her while she cries? So they’ll help her up off the ground if she falls?

Maybe so.

Hinata can’t bear to look at herself anymore, at the forehead protector that’s all but announcing _hello, I have something to hide, please interrogate me about it,_ so she goes downstairs to check if the rice is done.

It is. She slips on a pair of rubber mitts and carefully lifts the pot out of the rice cooker, setting it down on a counter and dithering about what she should make. Eggs? Everyone likes eggs. Eggs are good.

She’s hesitant to take anything from the fridge, but she remembers a warm hand brushing har bangs away from your eyes, a smooth voice, what’s mine is yours, so she takes just enough for herself.

In the end, the white of the egg is a little too runny and the rice is too hot in her mouth, and her water doesn’t slide down her throat quite right—but it’s hers.

*

The walk to her team’s usual meeting place takes a little longer since Hinata isn’t familiar with this section of the Branch House district yet. She navigates along, wonders if Neji visits these houses when he’s not training or sleeping in the lonely bedroom Hiashi-sama says is his—

(it isn’t really his, though, not when he spends so many nights away, when Hinata reaches out with her chakra and feels a dead spot in the space where he should be, when he takes such great pains to avoid her and even when they’re in the same room he sees right through her)

(and she still loves him because she remembers how it was before they caged him, and holds out a faint and foolish hope that he won’t resent her now that she’s just like him)

—and decides it’s none of her business anyway.

She’ll learn about him when, if, he comes to her and wants to share. If he even knows, or cares enough to realize she’s not where she used to be.

Eventually, after memorizing the layout of the Branch district, she finds her way out and her feet do the rest. She usually takes this walk to think, to reflect, to enjoy the cool morning humidity on her cheeks and to marvel at Konoha’s beautiful sunrises, but today she just wants it to be over with.

Hinata hears Kiba before she sees him; she’d know that voice anywhere, has heard it for years in the academy, has sat next to and through some of his less mature moments.

“Hey, Hinata!” he greets once she’s within polite distance. He raises his hand and gives her a sloppy wave, and Akamaru pokes his head out of Kiba’s jacket and sticks his tongue out her. “Come help me convince Kurenai-sensei to let us go on a mission. There’s got to be something better we can do than—” he pulls a face, “—remedial chakra control lessons.”

“W-why do we need a mission?” Hinata asks. Kiba hasn’t noticed. “I thought we were just supposed to, um, well—why don’t you a-ask Shino what he thinks instead? He probably knows more about this than I do.”

“Don’t put this on Shino,” Kurenai intervenes. “And Kiba, those are only for you. Once you’re able to walk on water, we’ll start taking missions. I’m not compromising.”

“Yes, sensei,” Kiba grumbles, and then, under his breath, “Oh, sure, _they_ get to learn cool taijutsu while I rot away trying to stick a leaf to my forehead.”

Hinata lifts her hand to her mouth to cover the smile beginning to form.

“Shino gets taijutsu lessons. Kenjutsu for me. I don’t need taijutsu,” she says, before realizing she actually _does_ now.

The smile on her face doesn’t quite freeze but it does slow, wary, frightened, and the fabric behind her forehead protector itches where it touches her skin, and she can feel sweat gathering on her hairline and she needs, she—she needs to calm down. Deep breaths. When there is nothing else to do, she can still breathe. 

“Kurenai-sensei, are you going to set Kiba up first?” she asks.

For the first time that morning, Kurenai gives her more than a passing glance. Her eyes flick toward Hinata’s forehead protector and her brow furrows briefly. Thankfully, she doesn’t comment.

“Yes. I will,” Kurenai says. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”

“Are we seriously doing this?” Kiba complains. “Come on, my chakra control is fine.”

“Don’t you dare tell me that, Kiba,” Kurenai says. “The last time you tried to enhance your senses with chakra, you ended up with chakra burns all over your face. I _will_ help you fix that.”

“But I can smell fine, I don’t even need this,” Kiba says, even as Kurenai drags him off toward a far corner of the training ground, starting in on another one of her lectures.

The sound of her and Kiba bickering fades into the distance, and Hinata’s left standing alone with Shino. She doesn’t know what to make of him yet. She’s seen him at various clan functions but the Aburame keep to themselves so closely it’s hard to get a read on any of them. He sat near or next to her through all their years at the Academy, but before this week she can’t remember a time they’d ever held a real conversation.

Shino glances at her every so often but she can’t get a read on him, can’t figure out why he’s got his shoulders hunched so far his collar is on level with the tips of his ears or why she can’t get her breathing under control—in, raggedly, out, in, she’s breathing a little too hard and starting to feel lightheaded. Is she breathing too loud? Too soft? She’s forgotten the rhythm of her lungs.

Shino makes no indication he notices anything is wrong. He just tilts his head her way, about once every ten seconds, just like clockwork and she has to ask, she has to or it’ll drive her to tears.

“Is there something w-wrong, Shino?” she says, trying not to sound out of breath.

“No,” Shino says. He pauses. “Unless there is something wrong with you. Why do you ask?”

“N-no reason,” Hinata says. “It’s nothing. I’m sorry.”

“There is no need for an apology. Why? Because you have done nothing to warrant one,” Shino says. When she doesn’t respond, he turns away.

Hinata scuffs the toe of her sandal onto the ground. Breathe. Breathe. _Breathe._ She’s standing here with Shino, waiting for Kurenai to come back from attempting to teach Kiba to stick a leaf on her forehead, desperately resisting the urge to lift her forehead protector and wipe at the sweat gathering there and she’s—she’s forgotten—

“Hinata? Are you all right?”

That’s Kurenai. That’s a heavy hand on her shoulder. That’s the shadow of her teacher blocking out the mid-morning sun. That’s a slow, sweet voice telling her how to breathe, letting her know when to draw in air and let it back out, like one two three four five, like one two three four five.

Hinata swallows past the lump in her throat and uses the puffy end of her jacket sleeve to wipe at the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Weak.

“I’m okay now,” she says softly, looking up into her teacher’s red eyes. “Th-thank you.”

Kurenai holds her gaze for a few seconds. For a couple seconds, dread flashes through Hinata’s chest. She’s been caught out. Kurenai will say _you’re lying_ and make her explain in front of Shino and he’s going to know and Kiba’s going to know and the entire village is going to know what she’s hiding under her forehead protector. Hinata wipes her eyes again.

Kurenai only smiles. “I’m glad you’re okay. Let’s talk later, all right?”

Hinata slumps under the weight of her relief. “Okay, Kurenai-sensei.”

Kurenai nods and squeezes Hinata’s shoulder briefly before turning away, toward Shino.

“Show me what you worked on yesterday,” she instructs. “Go through the entire form and don’t pause, even if you think you got something wrong. I’ll let you know how you did after you’re done.”

As Shino moves through an advanced, expanded version of the standard academy kata, Hinata allows herself to zone out again. Kurenai was supposed to teach her the beginnings of kenjutsu today—to evaluate her style and figure out what weapon she’d work best with.

But . . . they’ll need to do something different now. She can’t use kenjutsu to supplement her use of the Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms technique or _anything_ outside the Gentle Fist because she just can’t. She can’t.

A few days ago Kurenai had been excitedly chattering to her about channeling her chakra through a sword, maybe incorporating it somehow into her techniques. They’d been walking around the Main House district of the Hyuuga compound, familiarizing themselves with each other since Hiashi seemed to want to wash his hands of her immediately after her graduation.

The thought makes her feel sick.

She drags her hands down her face in an attempt to block it all out, and while it doesn’t do much, it gives her a bit of reprieve from the anxiety that wants to run loose in her mind.

A good thirty feet away from her, Kurenai is correcting Shino’s form. Adjusting the angle of his elbows, telling him to plant his feet firmer. She says something to him, nods, and leaves him, making her way towards Hinata.

When they’re face-to-face, Kurenai gives Hinata a smile so gentle it fills her with dread.

“Your father told me what happened yesterday,” she says.

Hinata’s stomach drops into her feet and she curls in on herself. “I’m s-sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Kurenai says. There’s steel in her voice and it makes Hinata flinch. “I’m angry, but not at you. It’s _despicable_ what he’s done. I’m going to make sure you get the proper training to make up for any techniques you’re not able to do anymore, but first, is there anything I can do for you?”

Anything _Kurenai_ can do for _Hinata?_

“No,” she says hesitantly. What if that was the wrong answer? Is there something Kurenai should be doing? “U-um, but maybe we could . . . work on some taijutsu? And put a h-hold on the kenjutsu for now?”

“We can do that,” Kurenai says. “Come on. I’ll show you what Shino has been working on.”

Kurenai leads her through some stretches and shows her how to position herself into the stances. Where the Hyuuga taijutsu style is fluid and graceful, this one is sharp and textbook. The Gentle Fist is made of quick jabs and dodges, a true hit-and-run style that prefers to avoid taking damage rather than block it. Konoha standard shows her she’s learned bad habits and Kurenai spends a while watching her blocks with an eagle eye and occasionally directing her and Shino toward the occasional spar.

“I need to check in on Kiba,” Kurenai says after a while has passed and a frustrated shout rings toward them from the other side of the arena. “I can’t leave him to his devices for very long, and bringing you all closer would only distract him. Shino, watch your footwork. Hinata, remember to breathe.”

At some point, Kiba burns through an entire pile of leaves in only a few minutes, and after Kurenai sends him to pick more by himself she sits him down for an intensive lecture on _gently_ cycling chakra instead of just dumping it into any old thing with no regard for how it’ll take to that.

Halfway through the day Kiba gets up to fifteen seconds with a leaf on his forehead. Kurenai’s glowing with happiness as she leads Kiba back to them, one hand on his shoulder in her usual display of protective affection.

“All right,” Kurenai says, surveying the three of them. “That was a nice warmup, wasn’t it? How about we get started with our training for the day?”

Kiba blanches and Shino makes a sound caught halfway between a cough and a sputter. It’s so normal and like every single dream Hinata’s had about a genin team, _her_ team, her friends—even if they aren’t quite there yet—and it’s so safe and warm when Kurenai’s eyes curve upwards with her smile that Hinata can’t help but laugh a little.

“Everyone, do some stretches. Then, ten laps around the village,” Kurenai says. “I’ll run them with you.”

Kiba grumbles all throughout their post-warmup warmup, and he makes a stink of running laps, but for all his whining he’s got the stamina of about ten men and easily beats Hinata and Shino out by about ten minutes.

As Hinata crosses the tenth lap starting place and slowly comes to a halt, as she bends over and puts her hands on her knees and takes a moment to feel the burn in her legs and the tired-heat-sweat radiating off her skin, as she draws afternoon air into her lungs, she feels her anxieties melting away.

Today’s a normal day, just like any other. She closes her eyes and nearly believes it.

When the sun begins to slink under the horizon, Kurenai calls a stop to training and sends them all home with a promise to take a mission—“A _small_ mission. No fighting. Not until you’re all good and ready.”—tomorrow.

She stumbles through the doorway of Haruka’s home on shaky legs. She’s exhausted but this time it’s not because of something that’s been done to her. Today was hard work and determination, just her and her stretches and her laps and going through post-academy taijutsu forms with Shino.

“Hinata?” Haruka calls out from the general direction of the kitchen. “Is that you?”

“Y-yes!” she yells back. 

Haruka’s head pokes around the corner. “You look exhausted. Go take a shower. You’re just in time for dinner!”

Hinata smiles gratefully at her and trudges upstairs for a clean pair of clothes. She showers quickly and makes it out to the kitchen table just in time for Haruka to place a large bowl of soup onto the table. There’s fried fish and rice, too, and even a glass of water waiting for her at the only other chair besides the one Haruka’s just sat down in.

After Hinata gives her thanks for the meal and starts helping herself—Haruka encourages her to add more to her plate, again, what’s mine is yours and take however much you like—her new caretaker grins at her and asks, “So what’s your team like?”

Hinata can’t remember a single dinner better than this one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so! here we are with another chapter, finally. it's been forever, i know, and i'm so sorry. i'm trying to get back into the groove with this chapter, so hopefully updates can be faster from now on—i make no promises, though. just know that i still love this fic, i still have ideas for it, but actually writing those ideas can be very difficult.
> 
> i'm currently extremely preoccupied with [the future is not what you've seen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23845084/chapters/57305389), a khr tsuna twinfic. so like, if you're subscribed to this and you happen to be into khr, i'd really appreciate if you checked it out and maybe left a comment!
> 
> i'm going to try to update [eclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15639987/chapters/36320925) next, though, if i can. i've ignored that fic for way too long.

Kurenai escorts her to their training grounds the next morning. It’s unexpectedly nice of her, and what’s even better is that she doesn’t pry. Maybe she’d taken Hinata’s shaky silence from yesterday as a sign that she’s not quite ready yet.

In a way, Hinata feels like she _shouldn’t_ talk about it. After all, she’s only lived with this for two, bordering on three days—Haruka, Neji, all the other members of the Branch House? Since they were four, this has been their entire life. If it’s bad for her, she can’t imagine how humiliating it must be for them.

Hinata knows the Main House hasn’t exactly been fair toward the Branch House, but the experience of being sealed has opened her eyes to just how bad it is. She misses being able to live with her family and she misses being able to ask for help from people she’d thought were there to help.

Hinata sighs, picking up her pace—she’s fallen behind Kurenai.

Best to leave these thoughts behind. She shouldn’t complain; shinobi shoulder their burdens with pride, with grace, because keeping silent means you are strong.

(But Haruka had let her cry and hadn’t said anything, and Kurenai had asked if there was anything she could do to help.)

“Hinata,” Kurenai says, just before the two of them reach the sign-in sheet for Training Ground 6. “Come here for a second.”

“K-Kurenai-sensei?” Hinata asks.

“I have to admit I’ve made an oversight,” she says, and though Hinata knows she means well, Kurenai’s words immediately send her to worrying. “I didn’t inquire about your . . . housing situation. Is everything okay? I can help you get a place to stay if you need one.”

Oh.

Hinata swallows the lump in her throat, blinks back her sudden tears. Kurenai doesn’t even know her that well—she’s been genin for about a _week_ and this woman is showing more concern for her safety and wellbeing than her father ever bothered to.

With Kurenai, it’s never, “How did your training with Kou go? Why are you in your room early?”

It’s, “How has your morning been? Are you ready to train?”

Hinata knows she got the luck of the draw in regards to a jounin teacher. She’s never even met any of the others, except for Gai in passing, but she’s certain. Kurenai is the best.

“I’m living with someone named Haruka-san,” Hinata says, meeting Kurenai’s eyes for a moment. “She’s wonderful. She’s been so understanding a-and kind. I don’t d-deserve her.”

“You _do,_ ” Kurenai says, face set sternly. “But the offer is always open. If you need to live somewhere away from the Hyuuga compound, tell me. I’ll make sure you find a place.”

Hinata considers it seriously for a moment, mulling the concept over in her head. She likes Haruka so far, and she doesn’t feel stifled in the house at all. She knows Haruka cares about her, but the concept of a space all to her own, somewhere she has actual control over, is one she can’t just brush over.

She bites her lip.

Would Haruka feel bad if she wanted to move away? Would she think it’d be a reflection on her ability to look after Hinata?

“Okay,” Hinata agrees. “I don’t think I will, but thank you. It m-means a lot.”

Kurenai’s hand hovers uncertainly over Hinata’s shoulder; when Hinata nods, Kurenai briefly rests her hand for a second, giving her a reassuring pat.

“Ready to head in?” she asks.

“Ready.”

Kurenai sends her in first, to greet Shino and Kiba while Kurenai fills out a reservation form for the day. Shino’s eyes are cast downwards as he intently studies the grass, and Kiba is bouncing excitedly on his heels, clearly waiting for her to come over there.

“Hinata!” he calls out. Akamaru barks in sync with his voice, fluffy little tail thumping as hard as it can against the ground. “Aren’t you excited!?”

“F-For what?” she asks, reaching up to adjust her headband.

Kiba’s eyes track the motion for a second, and his expression flickers like he wants to ask her what’s up. Hinata swallows nervously. It’s always so hard to hide things from Kiba when he really wants to figure something out—when he bites he never lets go. Sometimes Hinata admires that stubbornness; other times it scares her.

To Hinata’s surprise and relief, he doesn’t bring up the headband.

“The mission, obviously!” he says. “Remember? Kurenai-sensei said we could get one. I wonder what she picked!”

Hinata had forgotten. The reminder that today is going to be her first-ever mission is exciting in theory, but completely _horrifying_ in practice. What if she messes up? What if the client doesn’t like her? What if she has to go out of town and they get attacked by bandits and—she’s going to mess it all up. She can tell.

Stay calm. Stay. Calm.

“Kiba,” Shino calls out, saving Hinata from Kiba’s onslaught of enthusiasm. “You are overwhelming her.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kiba challenges, temporarily turning away from Hinata as she sends a fervent prayer of thanks his way. Akamaru snorts, apparently throwing his lot in with Kiba. “And how do _you_ know that?”

“Does she look like she’s excited?” Shino points out.

Kiba whips back around, squinting at Hinata, who recoils from the sudden scrutiny. “Oh. Not really. But—but—how can you not be? We’re gonna be totally awesome today!”

Hinata can’t see much of Shino’s face, hidden as it is behind his high collar and dark glasses, but his voice sounds thoroughly displeased. “Do you even know what a—”

“Break it up, you two,” Kurenai interrupts, walking up to their little group, stowing a pen into one of the side pockets on her pants. “We haven’t even started today, and you’re already arguing? I think this is a new record. Team 7 has nothing on you.”

“Team S-S-Seven?” Hinata asks.

That’s Naruto’s team, right? Hinata wonders how he’s doing. Last she heard, he hadn’t even passed the exam, and now he’s a genin. She’d been there for team assignments; she’d seen how excited he’d been. In a way, it’s exactly like Naruto to turn the tables like that.

If she can gather the courage to ask him about it, she just might do so.

“Yes,” Kurenai says, laughing to herself. “Hatake’s been complaining about them every single day. None of them can get along in the slightest.”

“Yeah, yeah, enough about those losers. Let’s talk about us! What kind of a mission are we doing?” Kiba asks excitedly.

“I thought it’d be best to let you three decide,” Kurenai says. As Kiba prepares for another excited outburst, she continues, “ _After_ warmups. Got it?”

Kiba’s shoulders slump. “Fine,” he huffs. “What’s warmups today?”

Kurenai considers. “How about give me ten laps around the field, two sets of academy defensive kata, thirty push-ups, thirty jumping jacks, and ten minutes of chakra exercises?”

“That’s so—”

“Yes, Kurenai-sensei,” Shino says meaningfully, kicking Kiba in the back of the knee.

Kiba’s exaggerating.

It isn’t that bad of a warmup, especially considering Kiba’s been interrupting Kurenai a lot today. She’s not petty—at least, not from what little Hinata’s observed—but she’s human, and Kiba’s has a special talent getting on people’s nerves.

Twenty minutes later, Hinata and the rest of her team are headed to the Hokage tower to pick up their mission. Akamaru is tucked into the front of her jacket (Kiba had done something to offend Akamaru a little while ago and they’re being snippy toward each other, so it’s up to her to be Akamaru’s human pillow for now), a warm and soothing counterweight against the heavy fears that press in against her.

The exercise had helped Hinata clear her mind, had helped her calm down and look at things rationally, but she’s still nervous. There’s a touch of fear lingering in the back of her mind, prickling at the nape of her neck like cold fingers, telling her something will go wrong.

It’s not enough to make her hyperventilate, or want to curl up in a ball, but she’d be lying if she said it’s not affecting her.

A heavy weight lands on her shoulders, bringing her out of her thoughts into the real world. Hinata flinches, only stopping herself from crying out in shock by clapping her hands over her mouth.

Some of her surprise wears away when she recognizes the weight as Kiba’s arm.

Hinata has never been a touchy-feely person. Shino doesn’t seem the type either; he shies away from Kurenai-sensei’s hands, and always manages to avoid Kiba’s hugs. Conversely, Kiba is the most tactile person Hinata’s ever met in her life. She supposes he balances the team out.

It’s not like Hinata minds that much, though. She’s just unused to it from years spent in a household where one of the silent rules is, “Look, don’t touch.”

“What kinda mission do you think we’ll get?” Kiba wonders. Hinata relaxes into his side, smiling when he slows down to match her pace.

“I d-don’t know,” Hinata says. “Maybe . . . maybe we’ll get something peaceful?”

“Peaceful,” Kiba echoes, dissatisfaction plain on his face. “I wanna fight someone! Mom taught me a new trick with Akamaru last week and it’s gonna be _so_ cool when I can perfect it. It’s kind of a work in progress, yeah?”

“That sounds w-wonderful,” Hinata compliments. “Is it very powerful?”

Kiba’s chest puffs out with pride, and he grins at Hinata. “Sure is! It’s called Fang Over Fang. Mom says I still need a lot of practice, but honestly? We’re pretty good. I think we could take someone on, no problem.”

Akamaru barks in agreement, and then buries his face in Hinata’s chest a second later, seemingly realizing he’s supposed to be irritated with Kiba.

“B-Better to be more than ‘pretty good’ if you actually have to fight,” Hinata points out. It’s unusually assertive of her, but Kiba brings out that side in her more. He’s just so unabashedly himself, so open and happy and free, she can’t help but take strength from that. “When you _do_ perfect it, though, I’d b-be happy to see it.”

“Hell yeah you would!” Kiba says, detaching himself from her and going over to pester Shino. “What about you, huh, bug boy? Wanna be there for the official Fang Over Fang showcase?”

“Need I point out to you that you’ll likely be performing that move during training?” Shino asks, deadpan. He doesn’t seem to mind the nickname—and Hinata knows he would say something if he did—but what he _does_ take issue with is Kiba’s bullheadedness. “I would already be there.”

“W—Well, yeah, but like, I’ll do it on the other side of the training ground!” Kiba says, crossing his arms. “And I’ll make sure you don’t get to see!”

Shino sighs, a deep, world-weary sound that makes Hinata smile reflexively. He’d been like this in the academy, too, when she’d sat next to him. “ . . . Fine. Yes, Kiba, I would like to attend the official Fang Over Fang Showcase. Why? Because you will not stop bothering me about it, and it would be prudent to nip this in the bud.”

“That’s more like it!” Kiba crows.

“What about me, Kiba?” Kurenai asks, smile on her face. “Don’t I get an invitation?”

“Yeah! You guys can all see it!” Kiba says, pulling ahead of the group; the Hokage tower is in sight, and he’s probably having a difficult time not just running up to it. “Man, maybe I should sell tickets.”

It turns out Hinata’s team isn’t the only one looking for a mission today.

A glance around the room reveals none other than Team 7 at one of the front desks. Naruto is arguing with the desk-chuunin, Sasuke is standing behind him looking stormy, and Sakura is off to their right, one hand punching the bridge of her nose in frustration. Oddly enough, Kakashi is nowhere to be seen.

“Hey, Team Seven,” Kurenai greets, leading Hinata, Kiba, and Shino up to them.

“Good morning, Kurenai-sensei!” Sakura snaps out, instantly reverting to the picture of a perfect student. When Naruto and Sasuke aren’t as quick on the uptake, she shoves them a little, until they follow suit. “What brings you here?”

“Much the same as you, I’d wager,” Kurenai says, nodding at the poor desk-chuunin. “Where’s Hatake?”

“Oh, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto says. “Pshaw. He told us to meet him when the mission was over. And we don’t need him anyway, right, guys?”

Kurenai laughs, but it’s an unimpressed one, coming in one short huff. “He tell you that?”

Sakura shakes her head, bangs falling out of her face, and says like she’s quoting directly from something she heard, “‘You’re a strong independent team, and do you really need my supervision? You can handle a D-rank, can’t you?’ We _can’t._ Kakashi-sensei forgot jounin have to be present if their students want to pick up a mission, and we don’t know where he went.”

“He thinks you guys are strong? Kurenai-sensei says we’re a few _years_ from reaching a point where she’d call us strong!” Kiba complains. “You guys got the cool teacher.”

“Hey. I’m right here,” Kurenai says, ruffling Kiba’s hair and smiling mischievously when he bares his teeth at her. “At least save the trash talk until after you go home. Anyway . . . Shiranui-san, I can sign off for Team Seven. I’ll track down Hatake later and tell him his kids took a mission. You know how he is.”

Within a couple of minutes, Team Seven are off to complete their mission, the nature of which Hinata hadn’t been able to glean.

Not that she’d been eavesdropping.

A few words from Kurenai to the desk-chuunin, and he’s presenting them with a couple of forms. Kiba immediately makes grabby hands for them, scanning each one greedily. But with every mission request he reads, his face falls a little, and a little more, and then a lot.

“What the . . . these are all _boring!_ ” he shouts, loud enough to make Akamaru whine, and to make Shiranui send him a warning glare. “Where’s all the badass stuff? The assassination missions?”

“There are no assassination missions. Why? Because we are genin, and as such, the highest level of mission we are able to take is a C-rank. Assassinations are A-rank and above,” Shino informs.

“Wait, how do you know all that?” Kiba asks, unintentionally crumpling the paper he’s holding. He’s completely unaware of the despair slowly creeping onto Shiranui’s face, but Hinata doesn’t miss it. She silently apologizes in Kiba’s stead. “Seriously, what gives?’

“I paid attention during class,” Shino shoots back, taking one hand out of his pocket to push his glasses up.

Oddly enough, Hinata can’t recall much about what the academy teachers said about mission rankings. She knows there’s a general power creep as the ranks go up, but it had been difficult for her to pay attention in class, some days. There was the anxiety, the monotone voice of the teacher making it difficult for her to pay attention, all the distractions that made it easy for her to become lost in some other topic while the lesson continued without her.

Kiba snarls. “That’s it, bug boy, you little—”

“Boys!” Kurenai barks, settling a hand on each of their shoulders. “What’s gotten into you two today? You know what? I don’t think I want to know. Hinata!”

Hinata shrinks in on herself, wrapping her arms around Akamaru. Is she in trouble, too?

“How about _you_ pick the mission for today, hm?” Kurenai asks. For a moment, the words don’t sink in properly. Kurenai wants her to pick the mission? Their first mission? The one that will set the tone for all missions hereafter? . . . All right. Maybe she’s worrying just a bit too much. “You’re the only one I trust with it, at this point.”

Kurenai’s words ease something inside her—the fear from this morning is slowly ebbing away, replaced with a tentative confidence.

Hinata slowly approaches the mission desk. Cautiously, carefully so she doesn’t crease any of the pristine papers (save for the one Kiba had just mangled), she sifts through the small pile.

Gardening.

Pest control. Time sensitive.

House cleanup.

House painting.

More gardening. Time sensitive.

Delivering boxes of noodles to a restaurant whose supply has broken down. Time sensitive.

Even more gardening.

Kiba was right. These are all boring.

But Hinata takes comfort from the boredom. There isn’t much to mess up with gardening or painting, no lives to be lost, no injuries to be suffered (hopefully; she could potentially see falling off a balcony or other high place, but her balance is one of the things she legitimately takes pride in).

“I think this noodle delivery one would be good,” Hinata says. “It came in this morning. Apparently this delivery company’s carts got v-vandalized and they need someone to take over quickly, because the boxes are heavy and need to be t-taken all over—over town.”

“I don’t even care anymore. Gimme whatever,” Kiba says.

Hinata can see he’s trying to play irritated, but there’s no denying the spark of excitement in his eyes. Shino as well—his posture is straighter, and he looks more alert than he had before. He’s probably trying to pretend this doesn’t faze him in the slightest, but honestly . . . who _wouldn’t_ look forward to their first mission?

Hinata herself is even anticipating it a bit, and she’d nearly cried this morning over the thought of having to leave town to go on a dangerous mission.

She knows now her fears were silly, unfounded, and it’s a bit embarrassing—but what’s more important right now is coming to an agreement, so they can get this over with and Hinata can feel like a _real_ genin.

“I am agreeable as well,” Shino says.

“Then that’s that!” Kurenai scribbles her signature onto the form at the bottom. “Let’s see . . . whoops. They want us there in half an hour. Let’s go, team!”

*

Menial labor has never been Hinata’s strong suit, but as she and the rest of Team 8 return to the Hokage tower to hand in their mission reports—Kurenai had taken them out to dinner, and had helped them fill everything out at the restaurant—she thinks it wasn’t so bad after all.

Yes, she dropped a couple of boxes due to her own clumsiness, and there were a couple of delays due to Akamaru _eating_ some of the noodles, so their pay had been docked a bit, but all in all, Hinata actually feels . . . accomplished. Like she’s finally doing something with her life. Like she can take control over what she does.

She knows it’s irrational. She’s still a part of her clan and will have to do as the Hyuuga say, but taking a mission, doing her duties as a shinobi, makes her feel more independent. More her own person. And working together with Shino and Kiba, where they don’t treat her like a defect for having the audacity to exist, provides her with more confidence than she’d ever thought possible.

Is _this_ why Neji never spends any time at home anymore? Is this why he’d always been busy last year when she’d wanted to talk to him? Is his team so much better than his clan?

Have the Hyuuga failed him that miserably?

The thoughts refuse to leave Hinata alone, plaguing her during the walk home, circling relentlessly inside her head during a passing conversation with Haruka on the way to her room, during the process of untying her hitai-ate with shaking fingers, during the hours it takes for her to fall asleep.

The last thought that goes through her head before her eyes slip closed is _what can I do to fix this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked it, please leave a comment! there's nothing that makes my day better than seeing your feedback on my fics, even if it's as simple as a keysmash or a heart emoji. thanks so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is [velocidrome](https://velocidrome.tumblr.com). come chat with me! i love talking to people!


End file.
